47 days ago…
47 days ago, my heart got broken.
It still surprises me how fresh the pain feels. It’s not like I haven’t gone through a breakup in the past, in fact, I have been in worse situations. This breakup should have been the easiest—no third parties, no bitter exchange, just two people realizing that it may not work out anymore if they stayed together. It should be the easiest, but it’s the exact opposite.
I don’t remember crying so hard and feeling that I will never be okay again… that things won’t ever go back to normal. I don’t remember ever feeling so lost. This indeed was a first. My whole world shattered that night, and for the first time, I didn’t know when or how to start picking up the pieces again. It was though I was just floating, asking so many questions: how did we end up here? At what point did things change? What will happen with our plans, the future we thought we would always have? Is it really possible for love to just fade? Where did we go wrong?
The support I received from my friends and my family was overwhelming. I didn’t know that many people loved me and valued me in their lives. But somehow all the attention, love, sympathy, and concern did not give me enough comfort. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t appreciate everyone’s effort to keep me company and make me feel worthy. It was during that time when I realized the treasures of my life I may have taken for granted. But, I needed this one person to love me, and be with me again. And somehow, no one can fill up the void in my heart.
Then I remembered the night of the breakup. As I was driving home, and I was screaming through the piercing pain in my heart… I prayed, “Lord, hindi ko na kaya. Ikaw na lang ang lumaban para sakin… ilaban mo na lang to para sakin kasi hindi ko alam kung pano ko kakayanin…”
And He did. Somewhere along the way, the rut I was in paved the way for me to find my way back to the arms of the Great Comforter, our Savior. He promised to take care of me always, and He promised to never let me go.
47 days ago, my heart got broken.
But as I decided to pick up the pieces again, another relationship started to flourish—my relationship with Jesus, the only one who can truly help me heal and love myself once more.
My true healing only started the day I decided to fall in love with God.
see??
i did it!! woohooo!
hehehe.. anyway sungit, just need to let you know that until now, i know you have the ability to come out on top of whatever shitty situation you will be in. you’ve gone through a lot and somehow you have shown, time and time again, that you could do it.
kaya mo yan noh. ikaw pa?
=)
